After 106 sessions the Ra contact ended with Don Elkins’ death on November 7, 1984, after a year of declining health. L/L Research no longer works with Ra nor the trance state but now channels other Confederation sources. If you are interested in their other books or tapes, write: L/L Research, P.O. Box 5195, Louisville, KY. 40205.
Jim: After we moved back to Louisville the mental/emotional dysfunction which Ra spoke of concerning Don occurred. Don was noted all his life for being very cool and extremely wise, emotionally unmoved by events which caused others to fall apart. His observations and advice always proved to be correct. Now, as this dysfunction worsened, Don saw himself intensely affected by even the smallest stimuli. His worrying deepened to depression and he sought healing counsel from every available source, yet nothing worked, and he resigned himself to a death which he saw quickly approaching.
After seven months of this mental, emotional, and physical deterioration he became unable to sleep or to eat solid foods. By November he had lost one-third of his body weight and was experiencing intense pain. He refused further hospitalization which we saw as the last hope for his survival. The thought of having him put into the hospital against his will was abhorrent to us, but we decided to do it and to hope for a miracle, knowing of no other possible way to save Don’s life at that point.
When the police came to serve the warrant a five and one-half hour standoff resulted. Don was convinced his death was imminent, and he did not want to die in a mental hospital. When tear gas was used to bring Don out of the house, he walked out of the back door and shot himself once through the brain. He died instantly.
After his death Carla saw him three times in waking visions, and he assured us that all was well and that all had occurred appropriately—even if it made no sense at all to us.
So we give praise and thanksgiving for Don’s life, for his death, and for our work together.
Though this book is a more personal portion of that work, we hope that you can see that the principles underlying our experiences are the same ones which underlie yours. Though expressions may vary widely, the purpose is the same: that the many portions of the One may know themselves and the One as One. Or, as Ra put it: “We leave you in appreciation of the circumstance of the great illusion in which you now choose to play the pipe and timbrel and move in rhythm. We are also players upon a stage. The stage changes. The acts ring down. The lights come up once again. And throughout the grand illusion and the following and the following there is the undergirding majesty of the One Infinite Creator. All is well. Nothing is lost. Go forth rejoicing in the love and the light, the peace and the power of the One Infinite Creator. I am Ra. Adonai.” (From Session 104.)
Carla: Jim and I have wished to open this personal material for those who feel they might find it useful, because we see in our experiences a good example of the kind of stress that working in the light will produce. The more full of enlightenment the channeling received, the more enlightened the patterns of living and talking need to be. In the case of Don, Jim and me, all of our outer behavior was correct, and it was not to be held against Don that he didn’t become a talker when he got sick. He had never taken another’s advice, and he did not want mine or Jim’s then any more than usual. And so the tendency Don had of being paranoid bloomed until he was sure I was no longer his love. For him the world without me was unacceptable.
Looking deeper at the timing here, it is crucial that it be seen that I was at this point weighing in at around 84 pounds, at 5'4". Each session was extremely hard, and yet I never flagged in my desire to continue. I was perfectly willing to die in the process of gaining these sessions’ contents. Don was very worried that I would indeed die, and fussed over me continually. There was some mechanism within him which persisted in trying to figure out how to substitute himself for me in taking the brunt of the contact. He spoke about it from time to time, and I always discouraged that line of thinking. But he did just that, in the end. His death ended the contact with those of Ra, and we have never been tempted to take it up again, as we are following Ra’s own advice not to do that except with the three of us.
I want to express to each reader the profound feeling of peace that has come to me in the healing of my present incarnation. There will always be that part of me that wishes I could have either been able to save Don or to die with him. I think that is one valid way I could have gone. Then he and I would be a vastly romantic, and quite dead, part of L/L history. But this is not the lesson that was mine. Mine was the lesson concerning wisdom. Ra put it to me quite bluntly when he asked what my time was for going to Jerusalem. He was asking me whether I wanted to martyr myself. This was in the context of questions Don asked concerning the possibility of more frequent sessions. My response to that was to go on my first vacation in eleven years. Don and I had adventures, NOT vacations!
Don’s lesson when our energies and mental distortions were exchanged and merged by our talk in Georgia was concerning the complete opening of his heart. By remaining an observer, he had not yet succeeded in unblocking that great heart of his. In his illness, he truly thought that he was dying that I might be well and live peacefully. There is no more utter devotion and sacrifice than the giving of one’s life. It does not matter, in this context, that he was dead wrong. He never lost me, far from it. He lost himself. In his moment of death he was completely open of heart, and uncaring of the pain of living or of leaving. Of course I have many and conflicting emotions about this. But always I am absolute in my faith that Don’s ending was as noble as his life as a whole. To me, he is beyond words. I just adore that soul.
My lesson was the opposite: that of adding wisdom to completely open love. My heart chakra is usually quite unblocked, but my sense of limits has long been shaky. The mind-meld we shared at that time left me with a choice of dying for Don’s sake or living for his work, for L/L Research, and all we had done and been together. I did exactly what I had to do to stay in this world. It was touch and go for me for a long time, long after Don’s death I was working the energy of death through my own mind, body and spirit. Through the years I plumbed the depths of despair, anger (how dare he doubt me!) grief and sorrow. I faced my own physical death and knew that the crux had come, and the joy of living was still strong within me. This was during the difficult days around Christmas of 1991. I have never been in that much extremity before, not even when my kidneys failed. But my love felt never stronger. I felt as though all was being burned away, and I welcomed that. In the heat of that pain I felt cleansing and completion. From that time, it was as if a whole new strength had poured into my frail body. As I have achieved a rise from wheelchair and hospital bed, I have felt more and more joy-filled and at the same time transparent. This is a new life I am experiencing, in a new and much replenished body. Indeed, at the age of 54, I feel a grounding and balance that are solid and healthy. I am glad to be here, and feel that have entered into the working out of the second pattern that my divided life offers. I bless Don’s and my sad tale. And I bless all that has occurred. We loved; we were human. It seems as though we often erred. We did not, for we truly loved. And though I shall always feel orphaned by his absence from my side, I embrace the wonderful things that are now mine to treasure. Jim and I are fueled constantly by the blessing of being able to carry on Don’s work.
Any group that stays together and works harmoniously while being of service to the light will begin to attract psychic greeting of the sorts we experienced. In this crucible, every fault and vanity, however small, is a weapon against the self. Ethical perception needs to remain very alert and cogent of issues and values being tossed around. This is a matter of life and death. L/L Research is a special and wonderful place, and not unlike many other light-houses other wanderers and seekers have lit. Many, many others are awakening now and wishing to become ever more able to be channels for light. And it is a wondrous ministry, to be there as a metaphysical or spiritual home for wanderers and outsiders everywhere. We hope this helps you and your group to stay in full communication, to refuse to offer each other less than joy and faith no matter what! And never, NEVER to make a deal with the loyal opposition!
We at L/L Research continue to keep our doors open for regular meetings, and many visitors come through our doors, through the snail mail and e-mail, and as our books continue to be spread around, those who are aware of Ra’s ideas are all over the globe. Our web site is www.llresearch.org, and our snail-mail address is L/L Research, P. O. Box 5195, Louisville, Kentucky 40255-5195. We answer each piece of mail, and are always glad to hear from readers old and new. Our hearts are eternally grateful for each other, for Don, for those of Ra and the contact they shared with us. Blessings to all who read this book.
Carla L. Rueckert
December 20, 1997
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