(Questions and answers from Book V are shown with this background color.)
Jim: The first two questions in this portion of Session 60 touch upon Carla’s tendency towards martyrdom in general terms; that is, in the case of the Ra contact Carla’s desire to be of service in this contact was strong enough that she would open herself completely to the contact until there was no vital energy left for her own ease of transition back to the waking state. Ra’s suggestion in this regard was that if she were to reserve some vital energy, it would be possible that the contact could continue over a longer period of time. Ra recognized that her basic incarnational lesson was to generate as much compassion as possible and was the root of the unreserved opening to the contact, but Ra also suggested that a little addition of wisdom in the reserving some small amount of vital energy might enhance her service.
In fact, our entire group was then in the process of exercising more caution regarding the frequency of sessions. We had begun to travel the martyr’s path in having sessions too frequently and giving of the self—of the instrument—until there was nothing left. As we continued to hold sessions when she was not in good shape, it was also suggested to us by Ra that overly to stress caution in scheduling sessions further apart and in resting Carla was as deleterious to retaining the contact as our martyring behavior was at the beginning of the sessions. In having the sessions, in distributing the material to others, and in living the daily life in general we found that there is a basic kind of dedication to serving others that is helpful. But when that dedication becomes focused on a strong desire that a specific outcome be the result of any effort to serve others, then one is distorting the service with preconceived ideas. “Not my will, but Thy will” is the attitude offering the most efficient service.
And once again we see the beneficial role that a physical limitation can play in one’s incarnation. In this case, Carla’s arthritis is seen to be the means by which she pre-incarnatively determined to focus her attention, not on the usual activities of the world, but on the inner life, the life of meditation and contemplation which her physical limitation offered her. This same limitation has also been used to carry out other pre-incarnatively chosen lessons, as mentioned by Ra in the last two responses. Such pre-incarnatively chosen limitations confound many healers who have the opinion that no disease is ever necessary. However, it seems that some people choose lessons that will utilize the entire incarnation and not just a portion of it. Thus the distortions needed to present the opportunities for these kinds of lessons are not meant to yield to healing efforts.
Carla: It may seem as though I have had a life ruled by disease and limitation. In actuality, that just isn’t so. At one time, when Donald had died and I had not yet fully decided to survive him, my condition worsened to the point where I had to stay horizontal all the time. But even then I was able to make letter tapes and to channel, until the very end of that dark period, the month or so before going to the hospital in January of 1992. And I can honestly say that even in that extremity, I wanted to stay.
Today, I simply do not think very much about my aches and pains, and I don’t think other people notice anything out of the ordinary about me. I don’t appear ill, and do not act that way either, so people just assume I am healthy. Having done everything I could to better my condition, and failed to make any dent by any means, I have concluded that the symptoms of pain which I experience are not signal but noise. This is the basic pain management theory I learned in rehab that fateful year of 1992. Something that has no message is a useless thing, no matter how irritating. I was riding one of those electric buggies airline employees use to transport the elderly and feeble, and remarked on the constant bee-baw, bee-baw, bee-baw as the cart wended its way through the pedestrian traffic in the huge corridor. The driver said she didn’t even notice it any more, she was so used to it. Exactly. I don’t do this perfectly: I complain at least daily to my mate, who has identified listening to the daily report as a service to the weary! It really helps to gripe a bit. As long as the griper doesn’t take it too seriously.
I know this is not easy, and I spent months during that period thinking that I might not make the cut! It is difficult to face pain, especially ancient, blade-keen pain that has crippled, and to work through the crystallizations that kept the arms down and the back separated from the neck. What saved me was love. I have a real passion for cooking. I love to play with tastes, to mix herbs and spices and all the kinds of food there are. The fact that the result of this playtime is meals that people enjoy is icing on the cake! I’d been banned from the kitchen 12 years ago. After thorough testing to be sure I would not harm my condition, I was OK’d to take up cooking again. I loved being in the kitchen to the point where I would just hang on to the stove and cook long past the point where I would have given up if I’d just been sitting or standing and doing nothing. And then there was the love I had for Jesus—I promised Him that I would get better, and give praise and thanksgiving and glory to His holy Name. Which I do, frequently! Between the two, a miracle occurred for me, given by Love to love for Love’s sake. And I pray to be able to share my story of being a Wanderer and one who wishes to serve, with all those who are awakening to their spiritual identity at this time.
Yes, I am still limited by my physical restrictions. I have spent literally years refining a schedule that I can live with, that has the most things in it that I want in my life, without overstressing my frail body. At this point, Jim and I have things worked out very well, and I have been fortunate to escape difficulty this last year or so. It is a first! I just take things at the speed I know is safe for me.
Needless to say, when this contact was ongoing, I had no such concept of caution. I adored Don, he wanted this contact more than anything I’d ever seen him go after; during this time he was actually a happy man. These were golden moments for me: I had had but one goal for a long time from 1968 onwards, and that was to make a real home, both physical and metaphysical, for Don. I knew he was comforted by being with me, so I felt I always helped. But this state he was in was unique. Here was my star-crossed love, peaceful and completely satisfied with his life for the first and only time I ever saw. I couldn’t wait to do the next session, just so I could wake up to see him grinning with delight.
It is fairly easy to see from the questions he was asking that Don felt my best chance for healing lay in mental work along the lines of his Church Of Christ Scientist Mother’s faith. He was accustomed, when a family member got a cold or illness, to calling the Practitioner, who would spend time in prayer and meditation, affirming the perfection of whatever seemed to be imperfect. This method of thinking is extremely valuable, and I do want to give credit to this marvelous practice of affirming perfection. For that is the overriding truth—behind all of this seeming imperfection there is utter perfection beyond telling or measure. I have sensed and felt it, but have never been able to bring back words. However I believe those experiences to be true.
As to the idea of my pre-incarnatively choosing the limitations, and the lesson of loving without expectation of a return, both of these topics had been covered in a past-life regression done by Larry Allison in 1975, and I felt sure that this was the case. It rang true with that depth of resonance I have come to associate with personal truth. I felt and feel fortunate to be alive, and if I have to pay some dues, that’s OK. I’m glad to be at the party! When I do die to this world, I hope that I will be satisfied I’ve done all I can—and I don’t feel that way yet. One thing I know I still have ahead is to write some sort of witness to those truths that have been shared with me at dear cost. When I have written all I know about the devotional life lived in the midst of it all, then I will be fairly satisfied that I have served my part. But we never really know what the sum of service is, do we? I don’t presume to think that I know all that is slated for me to experience. And am satisfied to let it surprise me.
60.14 ▶ Questioner: Then is the large underwater pyramid off the Florida coast one of the balancing pyramids that Ra constructed or some other social memory complex and if so, which one?
Ra: I am Ra. That pyramid of which you speak was one whose construction was aided by sixth-density entities of a social memory complex working with Atlanteans prior to our working with the, as you call them, Egyptians.
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