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(Questions and answers from Book V are shown with this background color.)
Jim: Carla’s arthritis began just after her kidneys failed when she was thirteen years old. In her childhood she had the very strong desire to be of service to others, but after many difficult experiences as a child unable to fit well anywhere she felt so sure that she would never be able to really be of service that by the age of thirteen she prayed that she might die. When her kidney failure six months later provided her with an avenue for such an exit from the incarnation, her near-death experience was of the nature where she was told that she could go on if she chose to but that her work was not done. She immediately chose to return to this life, now feeling that there was indeed service to be provided, and the juvenile rheumatoid arthritis set in immediately.
You can also see here how the efforts of negative entities intensified the choice to die that she had made of free will, but by that same free will there was no force that could hinder her return to service once she had made that choice.
Carla: The concept of limitation, especially in the form of physical disease, being a benign thing can be disturbing to think upon at first. I asked myself why in heaven’s name would I choose this particular condition? For it is as cunning in how it limits me as it could be. Although the rheumatoid disease has altered each joint in my body, it has focused on my hands, wrists and shoulders and back. I simply cannot do anything physical for too long a period, including typing at this very computer’s keyboard. I cannot pick up heavy things, or do heavy cleaning around the house. In general, I must watch how long I work at anything, for I cannot do a good day’s work and expect to rise the next day feeling well. I simply must write a lot of rest into the schedule. Any time I do overstep these unseen limitations, I reap the reward of having lots of quiet time while I recuperate.
Through the years, therefore, I have become very able to live in a world that is retired to the point of being a hermit’s way. Even in the depths of illness, in the early ’90’s, I was still given work to do, in the channeling, and in correspondence with a wide variety of students, counsel-ees and friends. My voice, because it hurt to produce a tone, was faint, but my thoughts still flew with wings, and there was immense satisfaction in continuing to serve.
It has always been difficult for me to take things lightly. I am always the one so intensely riveted on whatever I am doing that there’s no possibility of my being “cool.” Forget it! So Ra’s telling me I needed to reserve energy for myself during sessions did not sit well. However, given the way I was physically wasting away, I realized I would have to learn how to do that. I have come to appreciate this lesson greatly, and so pass the advice on to each who sees himself in these words. It is a worthwhile thing to preserve the physical shell; indeed, it is the kind of loving act that teaches as it aids.
Ra: I am Ra. This is only partially correct. There were psychic attack components to the death of this body at that space/time. However, the guiding vibratory complex in this event was the will of the instrument. This instrument desired to leave this plane of existence as it did not feel it could be of service.
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